American Rights

The Onion is mostly thought of as a humor source, but I think they often do their best work in more trying times.  As American's we now have the right to "live our lives in complete, stunned horror"...

WASHINGTON—In the wake of yesterday’s gruesome mass shooting that claimed the lives of 27 people, including 20 schoolchildren, the United States ratified a new constitutional amendment this afternoon guaranteeing American citizens the right to live life in a perpetual state of abject horror. “The provisions of the 28th Amendment will fully protect the right of all individuals to spend every waking moment utterly terrified at the thought of a deranged stranger with a semiautomatic combat rifle gunning them down,” said House Speaker John Boehner (R-OH), explaining that the measure also permits Americans to suffer panic attacks anytime their loved ones go to work, school, malls, or virtually any other public location. “In addition, the new amendment prevents the government from ever infringing on a citizen’s inalienable right to lie awake at night visualizing the images of crying children being ushered out of a school and wondering where it could happen next.” The new amendment comes on the heels of numerous other proposed changes to U.S. law, including a highly contested bill that would protect the right of Americans to ignore a widespread, deadly problem until it is far too late.

That's the whole thing because I want to be sure you read it.  Click through for more Onion coverage of our most recent mass shooting.

Via Kottke, who has been assembling a good round up of important gun violence and control coverage while wondering if The Onion is our most emotionally honest media source.  For what it's worth I think he's probably right about that.

To find out what you can do to help make America safer please visit the Brady Campaign.